Sunday, 23 February 2014


I'm evicted!

Finally free from lockup. Free from IVs and PICC lines.

Free to go home. To be with Brad and my boys. I love their faces. I could stare at their faces for hours and hours. So happy. So trusting. So carefree.

Give them food, water and love...and it's a perfect world for them.

Us? Way too demanding. We think we need so much more. We are greedy.

I remember not so long ago, when I would have given up so much just to be able to breathe. To laugh without coughing and struggling for minutes to catch my breath. To shower without a chair or oxygen. To walk around, instead of relying on a wheelchair or my scooter. To not stare at Cletus (my pager) and wonder when my life-saving call would come.

As I walked through the hospital halls on my way back this morning at lot of memories came rushing back. The past number of years spent in and out of hospital. IVs, PICCs, ventilators, feeding tubes, blood work...

Today, I'm doing a lot of reflecting.

It's a good day for that. It's beautiful outside. I'm no longer prisoner inside these stale walls. I will not go to sleep tonight listening to the cruelties inflicted on the other patients - whether it be pneumonia or some other horrible illness.

I will sleep in the comfort of my own bed, in the safety of Brad's arms, with my furry boys laying beside me.

I'm grateful for life. I've spent a lot of time being scared lately. Yes, I'm still scared. I likely always will be. Transplant world is scary. But, it's so rewarding. So exhilarating. So fabuloso.

Everyday we have is amazing. Every moment with people we love is a gift. Every second we get to breathe is a miracle. We are lucky and we need to remember that.

It's not about what we don't have, or what we wish we had.

It's about life. Being alive. Taking steps to be happy. Getting out of your own way.

Tucking the scared behind you and being brave. Trusting that you have many many days, years, left in this world.

That's my plan anyway.

Plus, I'm going to go home and dance.

Just because I can.

And eat Big Macs. 


  1. This is an awesome post, Jess. It's just the kick in the mental butt that I need today. I have been so down, and there's no need for it. I have so much. Congratulations on getting out of the clink.
    <3 Laura

  2. Well said! Glad you are feeling better and escaped!