I know I'm going to get some serious eye rolling with that title. But seriously! I'm serious.
After the new chunkers were thrown in my chest, I was out of the ICU and able to eat food, something evil happened.
I was sitting in my hospital room, minding my business (believe it or not) eating my breakfast (I don't think I need to remind you of my enormous appetite at that time), when my nurse walked in. She spotted me drinking milk and her eyes went all googly - nearly popped right out of her face.
I was ready to leap from the bed, scoop them up and shove them back in.
Let me explain something. I was malnourished pre-transplant. Skinny wasn't the word. Thin didn't cover it. I was badly lacking meat - bones, I had that covered.
I had a feeding tube guys. I couldn't gain. I had a craptastic appetite. Food wasn't exciting to me; in fact, it was more of a chore. I spent many meetings with my dietitian trying to figure out how to get more pounds on my body. Fatty foods were more than welcome - they were necessary.
Therefore, homogenized milk and I were tight.
That nurse would have swung her leg in the air and karate-kicked the milk out of my hand if she hadn't been 8 months pregnant.
"You shouldn't be drinking that. You can easily gain weight post-transplant you know. You should be drinking skim".
Then she disappeared and reappeared with...what else? Skim milk, of course.
I've been paranoid every since.
It didn't help that I had 16 lbs of fluid on board after transplant. I was genuinely worried as I was devouring food at every turn. I was gaining.
I shot up to 123 lbs. I know, not a big deal, eh? Except it was. When you started at a whopping 105. I was torn between pride that I was finally at a healthier weight and worry that I'd keep gaining and it would get out of control like scary nurse lady said.
Then my prednisone dose was lowered. Next my weight lowered.
I last weighed in at 117. Still better than 105 yes.
But, come on.
I do not particularly enjoy staring at sticks in the mirror.
I've got to figure this out. Suggestions? Leg botox? A strict cheesie/coca-cola diet? Oh wait, I'm diabetic. #skinnygirlproblems