Out with the sister, In with the Mister

Today is a sad and suck-ee day.

I watched my sister haul her bags to the shuttle and leave for the airport. It just sucked to see her leave. If only she could stay with me until I get the new windbags. We barely touched the surface of all the fun things we could have done, all the trouble we could have gotten in to - we didn't even have chance to get arrested :(

I had her all tied up so she couldn't escape, but the damn girl used to be a girl guide.

Not sure why she's so freakin' happy.

I know I'm not the only sad one in Toronto. I think most of the people who met her this last week would concur. We all wanted her to stay and play, but alas she left on a jet plane, don't know when she'll be back again (read that, then sing that).

After we left her, mom and I went on the hunt for a fabuloso mobility machine that can haul my crusty lungs around.

I took two for a ride around the track, examined, poked and prodded. Called the concierge and had them measure doorways and hallways. Went over pros and cons of each model. Just when I had no clue about what to do, my papa ends up skyping in to save the day (read that, then sing that).

I played the part of reporter/camera person and he took the role of decision maker. (Mom was busy checking out the biggest, scariest and meanest looking machine in the place.) So....

We have a new member of my messed up medical entourage:

Cletus - you may have just been outshone

 He's pretty sexy. Check out the headlights:

And his best angle:

As fantastical as he is, I need some help. I'm having trouble with names for this contraption.

I was tossing around a few: George, Tony, Stanley, Walter, Murphy. I just think I might have done my best work with Cletus, but I can't have two of them.

I'm really thinking I like Walter. But...

If you have a crazy cool idea, send it my way. Actually do, k? Don't just think of one and then wait for others to help me out. But, it has to be crazy cool. Not lame. Not half crazy cool. Full out crazy cool.

Want to know what else is crazy cool?

Lisa Freaking Lampanelli!!!!

Click here to check her out.

Check out the comments on my last blog.

She just happens to be my favorite comedian EVER. She is ALL KINDS of awesome. If any of you watch The Apprentice, then you would know that she totally should have won last season. Trump is a douche.

Lisa, if I were to give my crusties a funeral, you should probably do the eulogy. I could think of no one better to give a proper send off.

But if you think that's being too pushy, a tall blonde with Brad and I would suffice (during which I will convince you to do the funeral thingy).

Thanks to my tall, dark and handsome for once again reaching out to one of my favorite people.

**Actually, let's seriously do the whole funeral thing. It'd be crazy fun.