Friday, 30 November 2012

And there he was...

It's 4:33 am and the fire alarm is blasting. What the hell is going on? 
Code red... I go jumping out the window again. Lake Ontario here I come.  

My door's been shut. The fire trucks are screeching to a halt outside. Did I ever mention how much I love sirens? Crazy but true. 

There's two ways to look at sirens. 1) someone is hurt 2) help is on the way

You choose your view.

Once I realized it wasn't actually me on fire, I recognized that feeling. The one where every breath is a struggle. I knew the only way I'd get back to sleep would be to knock back some ventalin. 


Relief is finally getting a quasi-deep breath. 

Relief is that drowning on the inside feeling, alleviated. 

Relief is not coughing and gagging all over the place, every 5 seconds. 

This morning was somewhat of a crappy one. Wasn't feeling 100% like taking on the world. That coughing and gagging thing was back. 

Great timing.

The respiratory therapist came and took me to do pft's (pulmonary function tests). I didn't blow the roof off the joint or anything. My lung function is actually worse than when I checked into this glamtastic-it-isn't hotel.

However, I am still getting released. No more johnny shirts, lame food, IV's or community showers for me!   

No more sleeping on the electronic, yet sucky, bed. 

No more missing my little furry boy.
Pamela came over tonight to hang out, play some games and watch Grey's Anatomy. Thanks PJ for helping me pass the time - she knew how crazy excited I was to see Brad tomorrow; she was probably afraid I'd hurt myself doing my happy dance, and would need a spotter.

After she left I started writing this entry and was thinking about how excited I was to see Brad tomorrow. I was even going through my photos of him and Griffin, thinking I'd post one.

I hear something...I look up...and he's here. Physically. In my room. 

He's real. It's not a dream. I can touch him. 
But he wasn't supposed to be here until tomorrow??
He did it again.
One of these days the surprises are going to come from me


  1. Awwwh! Great surprise! I'm so happy your bf made an early appearance. Also, I just wanted you to know that everyday one of the first websites I check [along with Facebook and E! News, naturally] is your blog. I always find myself slightly holding my breath that the next post I see will be written by Brad letting us know you are receiving your much deserved lungs. :-) You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers- and you are SUCH an inspiration!!! Love and hugs! Natasha (

    1. Thanks Natasha! He can't wait to write that post and I can't wait for him to write that post ;)
      I read you too!

  2. I too am looking forward to the day the surprise comes from you... I don't know what it feels like to watch someone you love dearly, and watch them struggling - watch them living with something that is a constant, sometimes seemingly-unendurable burden - yet they endure. I've always been on your side of that perspective. I'm looking forward to the day when you can wander off somewhere - and you can walk until HE is exhausted, and you're not. Won't that be an awesome surprise from you?!?

    Hang in there, buckaroo - I'm happy for you, and for B-rad... Love, Steve

    1. Brad's an amazing guy. He doesn't get scared or weird about any of this stuff. Plus he makes me laugh all he time. Quite the score ;)

  3. What a sweetheart you have Jessy!! I'm so glad he keeps you on your toes :) Hope you guys have the bestest weekend you possibly can!

    Love you both xoxo

    Lil Sisstaa