Sunday, 9 June 2013

Toronto - Are you ready for me???

At airport. 

Didn't set off any alarms or get strip searched. No aerosol pumps to be pawed over or security looking at me like I'm transporting dangerous goods. 

I'm beyond pumped. Super excited to be returning to Toronto. Can't wait to see my lung buddies. Excited to annihilate some medical tests and get some answers to some questions. 

For example, why am I always tired? Why are my eyes always heavy and half shut? 

And why does my phone's autocorrect always change can to Canadian???

After a stopover in Montreal, where I plan on shovelling a Montreal smoked meat sandwich down my gullet, we will be in TO. 

And just like old times, it's games night in Transplantland. 

I'd like to apologize in advance for taking home the gold. 


9 minutes till boarding......


  1. have a great trip and hope all goes well for you ,as I'm sure it will
    Yours truly

  2. I'm excited for you!!! It's quite wonderful to go back after a while, when you're post-transplant... It's a bit of a struggle sometimes - because you're seeing friends who you wish would get "the call" - but they're also seeing you, and that can be an incredible inspiration. And not just because you're Squeeg, and naturally an inspiration to anyone you meet - but because you've made it. They see that this works.

    I remember feeling exhausted much of the time, over the first several months - sleep patterns seem SOOOoooo effed up. I'm not sure what blend of drugs hosed me - I suspect it had a LOT to do with the prednisone that everyone complains about. For weeks I remember feeling like I was awake through the night for two days, then I would crash and have an amazing sleep about every third day. It seemed as if it took two days to completely exhaust me, and then I'd just shut down for a night. My princess assured me that I did actually sleep during those other days - though sometimes fitfully - and to me it seemed like it didn't happen...

    And - oddly - I found that when I was out and about, I had incredible energy. But, if I had down time - if I sat down and chilled out - I could nearly fall asleep sitting wherever I was... Oddly, sometimes if I actually went down for a nap, I'd just toss and turn and couldn't sleep. When I was up and doing things - I was all-systems-GO!!! But when I stopped, it seemed my entire body wanted to shut down...

    Most definitely talk to your fearless leaders about it - they might have some suggestions (or might just tell you to man-up and deal with it...)(Or, woman-up...) For me - eventually I fell into a rhythm. I still don't get as much sleep as I should / I want to - but it's only been 13 years.

    And your phone is always autocorrecting "can" to Canadian because Canadians can...

    Hope you're doing freaking awesome... Love, Steve

    1. You Rock Steve - great to see you posting and thanks so much for this...Carman is tired too. Full of zip at the idea of doing things, just lacking in stamina. I keep reminding him of a little surgical procedure he had just shy of 4 months ago....but you know how much good that does. Some friends have said they felt great at the 6 month mark and then when they reached 12 mos, the felt a shift and realized they had just arrived at great. It's hard to tell while you're going thru it, everyday is full of new "hmm, what was that I just felt - is that normal?' moments. It's a journey, not a quick trip and all great journeys take time - and one must take the time to enjoy the moments as they come, not just hurry toward the destination with blinders on!
      Try telling full-steam-ahead-no-holds-barred Squeegie that!
      Sooo excited to have her back...and there was no posing with the Game trophy last night either.
      Hugs and gratitude,

    2. No, YOU rock Pamela!!! I hope Carman is doing great, though tired... We all deal with different version of the same thing... And so often we hear that something is our "new normal" - but that "new normal" always seems to be a moving target. I believe that it really does settle down though.

      Sometimes it's hard to put that whole surgical procedure into perspective - we're out and about and BREATHING for a few months, and it starts to feel natural, like it's been forever - and you look back and realize that they had your chest cracked open only X months ago. Sometimes it seems amazing that we're walking 6 months out!!! And we're usually walking 1-2 days after they've opened us up... It's amazing what our bodies can do...

      And it's incredibly frustrating when our bodies start acting like we don't want or expect them to act - like this whole lack-of-sleep BS... We're tired as all heck, lay down, and our eyes are wide open... Take a walk and we're exhausted, our eyes closing when we're sitting somewhere - but lay down and we're wide awake again!!! WTF.

      It all levels out though. And we're still here. We're bothered by some goofy side effects - but we have to remember that we're still alive, still here among people and things we love - because of the gift of some compassionate person and family, who would give anything to have their loved one sitting with them, but they made a choice when that was no longer possible...

      You take care, Pamela - I'm proud of you and Carman... Love, Steve

  3. Been counting the sleeps Squeegee, and still pinching myself this morning that it was really you who showed up for potluck and Game ON! last night, sporting a winning 'tude, cool teal jeans, hot pink shoes and that gorgeous smile!
    I'll have to check with Derek on the final score but when the last Domino was placed, I didn't see the victor strut and peacock feathers on display...I'm sure Lori won - at the very least for lowest first round and highest second round scores, lol!
    Looking forward to filling the week with you & Mr. Bodacious

  4. Glad to hear your in TO. for check-up,Is Brad with you? The games night will be a real hoot!Go girl,give them hell Wishing all the best for test results,i'm sure you'll have good news.Stay positive,I am!Have a good week See you when you get back to NS.