I had a great convo with my doctor and I feel like I can see clearly now. I guess you could say she set me straight.
I struggle with a lot of guilty feelings...along with a stubborn streak, I suppose. I've been lectured about this many times, but I guess we can't help but feel/be certain things/ways. It takes a lot of concentration and a bit of butt kicking to get me to listen. That, or a serious discussion about life, death and a certain future surgery.
|Remember this guy?|
Perhaps I would be this way with a broken leg? Who knows? Although, I doubt anyone would put up with my incessant whining, moaning and banshee-like screeching to see how that would play out.
I was sick for only a few days before I realized it was actually an infection and not just me being worn out. However, as soon as I realized what was happening I hopped on the phone and dialed the CF clinic.
I was put on meds. End of story.
Except it wasn't.
Nope, it was more of a chapter book.
I was put on oral antibiotics and sat back waiting for them to do their thang. After a few days they weren't exactly solving all of the world's problems, but the weekend had hit, and I knew there wasn't anyone in clinic to get in touch with. So, of course, I waited.
As we all know, I was thrown in the slammer Tuesday and attached to the pole (and not the kind you dance around).
|Sad, cause this would've been more fun|
It took only a few days to feel relief and I can now happily sit here and breathe...without looking like I just finished running a 10k, while carrying my entire family on my back.
Back to my guilt:
I would kind of feel like the boy who cried wolf if I ran to the docs every time I felt crusty. I like to give it a few days to see if it's just a bad couple of days, or if it's truly something I need help with.
I also feel like I could potentially be hogging a hospital bed, when someone else who's more sick would need it.
Is that messed up???
Well the good doc explained to me that, you know, I'm waiting for NEW LUNGS and that's pretty important. I just might want to be in optimal health when the call comes...you know, to help the surgery go as smoothly as possible, so I can recover quickly and be back to annoying everyone around me again.
|An example of a competent doctor|
She explained how crucial it is for me to act when I'm feeling an infection.
Their job is to ensure I'm the healthiest I can be to face transplant surgery and I need to help them do that. I'm not to worry about someone else needing a hospital bed - that's also their job.
So, I'm sorry to all those I've annoyed or worried with my stubbornness. You will see a new me. I just needed to hear it in a different way - from someone wearing a lab coat.
I'm invested in this. I will fight like hell to see this through and bust out on the other side.
Then you will see stubborn...