Monday, 22 October 2012

5 AM thoughts


Woken to inhale two gigantic pills, the size of a small country, followed by two more regular sized ones.

I'm used to pills; have taken them my entire life. apple sauce as a baby, but that's still enormously impressive, eh?

The pills were followed by something even more enjoyable. Heparin. Yup, just another friendly needle wanting to dive into my body. At least the guy was gentle. Thanks nurse. Can't remember your name cause I have other things on my applesauce.

I actually slept last night. One could even say like a baby. Except, missing the comfy crib, soft blankets and soother. Damn, I'll need to have my people talk to these guys.

One would think I'd be awake every 5 minutes, but nope. I have a surgery to sleep through today. I needed my rest. I mean, what are you even thinking??

Everything has been on time so far this morning. I'm taking that as a good sign. I'm continuing to have positive thoughts and I truly feel this will happen today.

If not I'll just chain myself to the OR cause that would really make a difference. Or parade up and down the streets in protest. Maybe get Bruce Willis to come in and make some threats. One of those options will surely work.

This cyclosporine makes my head hot. My face is on fire; starts as a slow burn. I wonder if my head will turn into a burning candle? That's kinda how I envision it.


  1. Argh! We are waiting with you. Not as intense as your wait, I'm sure.....
    I got the text yesterday morning from Dad. I had just gotten to church. I was standing there like a dummy, reading it over and over.
    We are all rooting for you, in the 644 and beyond!
    Laura <3

  2. Take it or leave it in the 644.

  3. I'm hoping for all good signs, Squeeg... And - the drugs can be a little crazy in the beginning... Odd reactions to them generally wear off over time. (i.e. you won't be turning into a candle every time you take something...)

    You want this most. B-Rad and your family are probably second. But a lot of us are a close third. You'll be in my thoughts all day today. Love, Steve

    1. Hey Steve,
      We tried cold clothes and ice packs, which really helped the "hawt head" this morning. Jess is remarkably calm (even for Jess), cool and collected today. Keep those thoughts coming...all of us thinking together - oh yeah, we'll make it happen!

  4. I do remember this day, rather vividly Jess... Of course, on most things that I remember "vividly" - my princess reminds me that I'm full of $hit, and it didn't quite happen the way I vividly remembered - but whatever...

    We all react in our own way - I remember wondering if I was going to panic or freak out, whether I'd be fumbling everything and forgetting even my name. I didn't. I think that I was calm - surprising even myself. I think that I was at a point where I fully realized, that I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but the odds were in my favor, and that I could NOT go on living like I was living.

    I remember having a discussion with the anesthesiologist in the OR - I'd never been on a vent and waking up on one really concerned me... I asked what that was like. He said with a big smile and loud chuckle, "Who knows!!! Everybody's different!!!" UMMMmmmmm, thanks so much for the guidance and counsel... Before they put the mask on, I asked one of the nurses if they could, when my surgery was half over, have someone tell my princess that I love her more than anything in the world - then I thought about my dad, who I had lost a year into my wait... Next thing I knew I was coming out of anesthesia, as they were pulling the vent - so I never got to know what that was like... We all get through these crazy things - there are too many of us out here smiling, and would do it all again in a heartbeat.

    I did wake up on a vent after my kidney. They woke me up very gently and gradually, explaining as I was coming to. It wasn't scary and it didn't bother me - I was OK with it. I did not find it freaky, or even uncomfortable - but again, "everybody's different!" You'll rock these beautiful, new lungs Jess - you'll OWN them. I'm excited.

    Love, Steve

  5. Hoping today is the day that has long been awaited, hoping and praying for you. xo
    Laura LeFave

  6. Hi Jess Got my sunshine ring on not takeing it off till the wait is over . As we all know something soooo wonderfull is well worth the wait . Aur love hope and prayers are with you today and always . Love Aunt Hearher xo xo

  7. my back is like that burning candle you describe.... worse then the hottest day in the summer by times....

    i googled what drug you were taking to know what it is, sounds like it's that drug you said that you would start taking just before the transplant to get ready and then for the rest of your life....

    hope you get to feel better soon!

    Tammy C.

  8. sending you a great big hug your such a strong girl so glad its time to get you better and home! love you xoxo Britt

  9. Hey Jess!! I've been following your blog faithfully and I am so happy that you'll soon have new blowers. You are a true inspiration. We're all praying for you. xo

    Tracie Eisener

  10. Hi, Jess: I've been reading your blog for a few months, and every day as I click to read I hope to see that you've gotten your call. Praying that your answer has come today!

  11. Everyone at CF Canada is praying for you Jess. Lots of love and hugs. Can't wait to play a recovery round of cards! Maybe I'll actually stand a chance at winning!

  12. Big Hugs from the Breathless Games Gang Jess!
    K, S, C, P, S, J, A-L, R, G, R, D, R & R - we're all rooting for ya, now do us proud and go get 'em!

  13. Kath, Mark, Alexa and the boys..and Crosby of course!22 October 2012 at 12:28

    Sending Prayers and lots of love your way. We have been excited since Brad texted us and told us the most amazing news! You are not the only one acting a little excited....he's been a tad "not quite all there" and I don't think he has slept by the looks of him. But having the boys the next couple days will help with that...haha
    We all send our prayers and love your way and hope you get the best lungs out there!
    Brad will keep us updated, but I didn't get an opportunity to speak to you last night so I wanted to make sure I told you how important you are to all of us!.....I think it's almost that time for your meeting those lovely new lungs. That's a reason to celebrate.....We shall see you soon!
    Katheryne, Mark, Alexa and the boys....and Crosby.

  14. Another prayer said and hoping everything goes without a hitch today. Will be thinking of you all day Jessica. Hopefully the wait is over for you. Robin and Sharon

  15. I still remember the day my mom received her transplant like it was yesterday. Every emotion imaginable ran through me. Lots of positive thoughts and prayers from Nova Scotia.