My stomach is protesting. Loudly. I'm starving!
It's as though I haven't eaten in weeks.
Such a good feeling. There was a time, like several years, when I had a very pathetic appetite. Food didn't excite me. I didn't get all worked up at the thought of going out to eat. I didn't salivate all over the place thinking about my next meal.
Well, times they have changed.
I thoroughly enjoy my breakfast. I wake up and I can't wait to have at it. Every morning I have two pieces of toast, with my mom's strawberry jam (and butter cause it melts in and makes it super moist and delish), along with 15 cups of coffee.
Cause one can't start the day without litres and litres of coffee.
I'm still not sold on lunch. I'm just not that hungry at that point. I'm sure once I return to work I'll be knocking people over to get to food at lunch.
I have yet to return to work. It'll happen soon, I'm sure. I'm just in need of more time to deal with some issues. Every day proves that recovery is a slow process. It's weird though cause I thought it'd be as simple as recovering from an extracted tooth.
I have to remind myself, although others do it enough for me, that being chainsawed open, having your crusties ripped out, new chunkers thrown in and then all sewn/stapled/glued/duct taped back together is pretty serious stuff.
Know what I'm really proud of? I walk 3 kms/day with my furry boys. Every day. Cause I have to. They don't exactly give you a choice. Rain or shine. Tired or not. Lazy or not.
Speaking of exercise...it's time for food.
Isn't it freaking AMAZING Squeeg?!?!
ReplyDeleteI so know about the food thing... For how many years did we eat to live??? Now we live to eat!!! For years we have people telling us how lucky we are to be able to eat anything - but ironically, often we wanted nothing... And we struggled to put on or keep on weight... Unfortunately, THAT changes too...
I was 110 pounds soaking wet when I was listed, and for much of my life before that - I waited almost 3 years for my beautiful lungs, and on doctor's orders managed to make it up to 130 before transplant... After transplant, I slowly, gradually blossomed up to 165 over the next several years!!! I could no longer eat anything I wanted!!!
When my kidneys started failing, and I was lining up for a beautiful, new one - from a friend - (and a friend of my lung donor) - I decided that it would not be honoring her or her gift if I were not in the best shape I could be in when I accepted her kidney... I managed to get myself down to 140 before my kidney transplant... I'm up to 150 and need to lose 5 or 6 again, but now I'm very careful about everything I shove into my mouth... (Which wouldn't seem to be the case with the number of doughnut and food postings I have on my Facebook wall...)
And - the ability to exercise and walk like a "normal" person is still mind blowing to me... Now - because I want to eat and MUST burn calories, I try to walk 5 miles daily... I got an "Up Band" that always tracks my steps - I do at least 10,500 daily, and sometimes get in 30,000! And often enough, when I'm out there 2-3 miles from home, I'll think about being able to do this and my eyes will well up... It's only been 13 years. I hope it continues forever... I hope yours does too...
Love, Steve
p.s. I wrote a while ago about being out in the rain: Revive Hope: Starbucks, Grumpy old men, and rain...
I loved that post. It was really inspiring and reminded me all over again how amazing this life is. Thank you Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess... It really is the crazy little things... It's when you remember sitting in your hospital bed, in the midst of some deep $hit - and you look over and B-Rad is sleeping in a chair, staying with you - for me, it was Laura catching a little rest, being with us so we feel a little more safe... And back then, we're wondering whether it is going to be like this forever - or at least until our end... But now - you've just wandered a few miles around the zoo, and you're sitting with Brad having a burger - breathing freely - and it just washes over you how freaking amazing this really is... I think you treasure it like I do... Love, Steve
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